Hesitant

I'm hesitating and not completely sure why. The yarn is fantastic, the pattern was easy to follow. I've actually made great progress on this one.

I've gone from this:

to this:

In just under three months which for me is cheetah fast.

But since then it's been sitting on my table taunting me. All that's left is the edge trim, which is a pain but not horrible. There is the fact that I might not have enough yarn to complete the trim, I did add extra repeats but it's not like I cant get more yarn. I've invented worse excuses to visit yarn stores.

There's also the worry that after all this effort it wont wind up looking good on me. What if i guessed wrong and it doesn't fit? This is a big one. After all I'm not happy with my shape right now, yet not unhappy enough to force me to do anything about it. But three months is a long time to work on something that might wind up unflattering. So it sits there in project limbo. If I don't finish it I don't have to try it on.

Even more, this is the first non scarf/hat project I've come this close to finishing in years. I really should be more excited. Yet there it sits taunting me.

Only thing to do is sit down and finish it. So that was to be the focus of the weekend yet even with that I'm stalling. Oh I justify it by writing about here, I'm sure others have been in similar place with their own projects so that makes it ok for me to talk about it and continue stalling.

So no more stalling, I gather up my needles, what's left of my yarn and in my favorite comfy chair by the window with plenty of natural light here I go...great now I'm hungry, lunch first and then right back to the vest...yeah right.

Stalling

The plan was simple, take a few days off work around the birthday and holiday weekend to focus on some new pieces for a consignment job. Looked forward to the plan for months. Things did not go according to plan. In fact I'd have to say the plan got derailed completely. Which may not be a bad thing.

Things happen, plans change, we adapt. But in adapting to the changes a few thoughts came up. I wound up not doing what was planned, an unexpected bonus was that I got to spend time with a friend I normally don't get to see very often. But now I was very off schedule. The scary thing was that I didn't want to get back on schedule.

Does not wanting to get back on schedule mean I'm losing some of my passion for these crafty obsessions of mine? Or are they just temporarily on hold till I sort out all the things clamoring for attention in my house. I still spend a lot of time looking up new ideas, new techniques but I'm not spending as much time doing. I tell myself its a time thing. I'm tired when I come home from work and I don't want to be in the torch when both brain dead and physically tired let alone train like I should. Yet if these are truly important to me wouldn't I want to be working at them no matter how tired?

Some of it I'm sure goes back to my blank canvas phobia, sometimes the hardest part of a project is starting one. Especially when you have high expectations of it. I have all sorts of idea for this consignment job, I want to make some custom pieces just for their shop, something exclusive. Yet why haven't I started to? It all comes down to because it just doesn't feel right. The space isn't right, I'm not right, and the pieces aren't right.

So now this vacation isn't about focusing on a particular schedule but rather me allowing myself to take care of all the distractions that have been keeping me from doing. In a way that might be more important to the over all goal of sustainable creation. I've always counted on little burst of creativity when I needed it. How nice would it be to access that as a constant stream instead of small bursts?

So in the end maybe it was a good thing my vacation got derailed and I'm not just stalling on starting a new project. Once the distraction are taken care of the space will feel better, once the space feels better creating will feel better. So in the end it will all work out, according to plan.